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VAR Has Ruined Offside

Buc Shot Rob

​It's too good. Too accurate. No one is gaining a competitive advantage because their dick is over the line. And that's not just hyperbole—a goal was literally negated because a player's bulge broke the plane. This has to be the only sport on earth where athletes are actively punished for having a hog.

​In this very World Cup, we saw a player whose feet were completely level with the defender, but because his toes were pointing toward the goal (which is his entire job), VAR called it. This isn't preserving the sanctity of the sport. It's ruining it.

​Other sports need to take notice. Sure, getting the call right is important, and technology helps. But in the total surveillance state of modern sports, we need some damn discretion. If we don't draw the line somewhere, we’re going to start seeing 15-yard penalties for every ball twist or credit card swipe at the bottom of an NFL pile just because the 4K cameras can spy it. Let us live.